Divorce….

Is ALMOST final!! As soon as it is, I will have a huge load off of my plate and all of the time to get back to blogging. Thank you all for your continued support and patience. :) Love you all!

Kiksimage

What happens in the bathroom….

Doesn’t stay in the bathroom!  Well, usually it does.  However, with my new “job”, you now have the inside scoop on what happens behind the closed doors of the nightclub scene!

So with mounting attorney fee’s, this momma had to go out and earn a living.  I applied for jobs all over from here and there, and there is nothing to be had!  Even applying with “Arby’s”, I would have needed a fucking college degree!!  WTF?!?  To schlop meat, a college degree!  So to those poor kids in college – don’t apply at some amazing dream job, you are now qualified for minimum wage at your local Arby’s!  Again, I digress.. Here’s the scoop!

I started this past weekend.  It was quite overwhelming, and really all I do is help drunk chicks in the bathroom.  When I go out, the last place I want to hang out is in the shitter.  Ok, apparently I am doing it all wrong – this is the place to be seen!  It’s fucking fashion week up in there.  And can I tell you now, every 5 seconds – “Oh hell no”, “They be playing my song now?”, “Bitch thats my song”, “What are you looking at hoe bitch”, and my favorite “I’m married, but my best friend and I are lovers”…. That one was heard a LOT!  So much, that the shock value wore off fast.  I always figured that shit was an urban legend!  Who knew that it was THAT common?  How common you ask?  Well, on 3 seperate occasions 3 different groups of girls came in for a “quick” dive at the Y… yes, IN the BATHROOM!!!  One girl brough her BFF in the first time, bragged all about their little fling, and I shit you not  (no pun inteneded!)  she brought GF  (girlfriend)  #2 in 20 minutes later!  Hey, as long as you double tip the tip jar, I don’t really give a shit what you do in the bathroom stall. (again, no pun intended, just funny that it keeps poping up!)

The only thing I won’t “turn my head” on is drugs, fights, and treating me like crap.  I am not any different than that college kid who’s trying to get a job at Arby’s or a law firm.  I am trying to pay the bills, and get shit taken care of.  If this takes off, then I will have enough coming in to make payments to my attorney and have some fun shit to blog about. 

Now I am going back to sleep, these long nights are kicking my ass!

Kiks

Hello Stranger…

Its me.  Yell all you want, I have been busy, and haven’t had time to blog.  But that all changes today!  A lot has changed in the months since I last wrote…  If I remember correct, I was blogging as I was being rolled in for surgery – guess what?  I LIVED!  I am still alive! ;) 

To sum it up.. Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and I am STILL NOT divorced yet!!  WTF?!  You would think my ex would want to expedite this so he can move on with his new life.  I have talked to him MANY times and given him the option to be done, but he is dragging ass..  Meanwhile everyone I know and then some have gotten divorced and even ENGAGED!  Yup, one of my “Friends” (previous blog entry! ** wink wink**)  has gone from married/separated to divorced to dating to engaged!  All in the time I have known him, about 7 months! YIKES!!  Oh well,  I will be the last one to get divorced. 

With that I say FUCK YOU to my ex..

 

This girl got a makeover last week.  I took the ol ball and chains hard earned tax return and went to Mexico for some work.  I was miserable at first, but holy wow, self confidence plus 100%!!  With that, I am loosing weight again, as a side effect, and that helps too!  Im pretty hot, I’d fuck me! (sorry mom!)  All of that combined with my hair cut off,  I look totally different than I did this time last year.  Those who say just be yourself and you’ll be happy – have never been overweight and miserable.  I say GO do what YOU need to do to feel beautiful.  Never let anyone tell you different. 

Alright bitches, I’ve got shit I have to do..  All of my love, and thanks for following me during the down time.  Its nice to jump back in and see my blog stats are still beating.  xoxoxo

 

I am still addicted to the same music on Pandora..  I am currently on Miike Snow Radio. 

Kiks

Waxing

About to go in for surgery and my mom and I are having an interesting conversation about guys and waxing.  I am going to go to school to learn how to wax guys. There is a ton of $$ to be made, and I’m all about finding the money pot!!  My friend is a waxer girl and told me that no females do men. It takes someone who is really comfortable with themselves and men in order to do it. Enter me!!! I could totally do it. No questions asked! 
 
I have the most interesting conversations while waiting to go back. Always entertaining.  Someone asked if I would be praying – I said “The only time I say his name is when I am…”  That said doctor just walked in, I gotta wrap this up.
 
I am a nervous patient, I don’t do well with anything hospital related, which makes no sense as I am always having something done.  I haven’t blogged for awhile because I have been preoccupied, hopefully after this week, I’ll be all about sex again. Haha! 
 
Ok… Used the app today. Sorry for the typos and shit. Least of my worries. 
 
Music today – Top Dance and Alternative Music 
Kiki

 

Aside

I have a virus!!

It’s quite possible as I am typing this out – I am in the middle of being hacked.  I am running various ad-aware and spy-ware programs, so we shall see.  Who knows, whomever writes the next blog – it might not be me, and it might be better!! 

So I went back and read my first blog!  While I would love nothing more than to sit here and look back and say “Wow, I was in some deep shit, and here I am 5 months later and I can laugh it off…”  that couldn’t be farther from the truth!  I am listening to “Middle East – Blood” on repeat to put myself in a reflection mood.  Shitty thing is, I have about 5 minutes to type before I have to start picking up the kids from school.

I am still getting fucked by bill’s every month.  No, not anyone named “Bill”, Ha Ha funny,  yet the SOB who invented the idea of sucking the life out of people and making them pay for shit.  What is up with that?  I mean come on, I get that it is the desert, but $349 for a power bill for ONE month?! Oye!

I still can’t unclog a fucking sink!  I had to have my landlord send someone out last month to fix it.  They pulled out a long ass grapevine that was wrapped around the dealie thing.  OK, that’s fixed.  He also fixed the lights – where – get this, crickets would FALL from the ceiling into the kitchen!   This is a newer house!  Granted it had been sitting as a foreclosure, but still. 

I still haven’t learned how to cook much more than the “mush” I typed about that day.  I am getting better, but we do eat out a lot – and I mean a lot!  Sometimes it is cheaper to eat at Panda Express than cook.  Plus everyone loves that there are no dishes!

My divorvce is still dragging along.  Do I wish I filed in Ca? A little, but then I would be living there still and I needed to get the hell out of that drama.  Life changed and got SO much better once I crossed the state line from Ca to Az.  I miss home like you would never believe – But if I were to look at the last 12 years, where has home really been?  We moved every 2-3 years, no we were not military!  But we moved a lot.  Now I am trying my hardest to set roots down and have some stability for the kids.  I’d move back to Ca, no need to ask me twice, but like I always say, it’s about the kids, and they want to be here.

What has changed – Relationships.  Friendships.  Family.  I’ve gained and lost from those 3.  That’s the tricky thing with divorce you never know who will stick it out with you.  I have walked a few friends through the process, ironically, a few of them were the first friends to jump ship with mine.  It’s all good.  Here’s the deal, a lot of people look at divorce as contagious.  Like it will happen to them.  I don’t know if it is a fear that their own secrets will catch up to them or if they worry they are next?  Who knows.  I love the friends and family I have next to me now, and if someone can’t handle it, it’s not my problem. 

Love – Ahhh love…  She’s like karma, a bitch who takes names and fucks with you like no other.  Everyone wants to be in love.  And that will be another blog entry on it’s own.  Some tricky shit has come up, and I am trying to navigate what I am feeling vs. what I want vs. what my heart say’s vs. what my head screams.  So bare with me, it will be told in due time.  I just need to look within myself a little more and hopefully the answers will come.  I have zero patience – so this is where love turns into a bitch! LOL!

What else… Know what I hate the most? After I hit post, and a ton of other things come into my mind.  I never intended for this to be read.  I started this for me, now as I type, I am always thinking “What is the person who is reading this thinking”…  I have recieved quite a few private messages over the course and I can say that I love the feedback.  It’s a learning process.  I have learned a lot, but still have SO much more ahead of me.  It’s crazy!  Crazy shit I telly you!! 

Ok, like I mentioned – kids to pick up. 

No Pandora today – iTunes only – Crazy Stupid Love..  Thank you Matt for the reminder that this song is on my phone!! 

Back atcha later peeps,

Kiki

Music and Chaos

Remember life is always changing. You can’t control it, as much as you think you can, and want to.  The best you can do is hope the ride isn’t too bumpy and just lean with it.  The people who love you will always be there, maybe not in person, but in your heart.   

There is no hiding in life.  If there was a hole to hide in, I would dig it for you, tuck you in there and keep everyone out.  
 
You know who you are….Maybe it’s time for that conclusion that is dreaded, that nobody wants….  
 
One day, a beach, no heels… Chicago playing in the background… 

And so it goes..

** First note  –  I have been using my Iphone 4s for the past few blog entries.  The app and the mobile site for my blog are horrible.  I am sorry for all of the typos, and errors in the past.  Yesterday, I couldn’t even sign my name, add my music – nothing.  Today I am using a computer and hoping it is smoother sailing.  Ok, read on..

I have some friends who are single again.  It has been a few weeks since I talked on the subject, so please allow me to add a few pointers that will help them on their journey.. Some worked for me, some didn’t.  Every person is different, every outcome is different.  Maybe you have your own, post away.

1.  What will help you more than anything – move on ASAP.  I was miserable alone.  I was going to wait at least a year to get involved with anyone – including flings.  I think it was about 2 weeks after my marriage ended that I joined match. On a whim,   I wanted to flirt and have fun.  I had no plans on meeting anyone,  I wanted a distraction.  It worked, I am telling you this, as soon as I had a diversion, I didn’t feel so shitty and like the world was ending.  I started to see that I had a lot more going for me than I had grown to believe. (reads: was told for years I was a fat lazy bitch – I have since began the long  journey to know that is NOT true!)   It was when we moved to Az that I started to put myself out there and meet people.  As soon as I met mattress boy, and we were hanging out and such, (yes, boom chicka chicka bow wow! LOL!) , it was then that I found my diversion.  It was the best thing I could have done for myself.  Now I am not saying to go out and get married right away.  However the best advise I could give anyone is to meet someone – for the RIGHT reasons, and explore your options.  You will start to forget about what you are going through – and who knows where it could lead you.  You just have to take the plunge and put yourself out there.

2.  Go with your gut.  Odd’s are you have been unhappy for a while leading up to the break up.  Everyone is going to give you advise – “Take it slow”, “Don’t rush into anything”, “Find yourself first”..  However, consider this, they haven’t been in your shoes.  Only you have, they can give advise, but unless they have walked where we all are walking, take it was that, advise. .  Do what feels right.  With me, my marriage was over before it was “over”.  His current GF was not his first and she won’t be his last.  I put up with 7 years of cheating.  I am sorry, there is NO recovering from cheating.  I don’t care if it was a kiss or straight up fucking.  Once that has been betrayed, you need to leave, and not look back.  I wasted the last 7 years of my life checking phone records, internet history, putting spyware on the computers, double checking travel schedules and more. Nobody wants to live like that.  And nobody deserves to live like that.  “G” begged me to stay 7 years ago, and I did.  Look where it got me.  I won’t ever put up with cheating again.

3.  Decide if you want ONS, FWB or relationship before you do anything else!!  Read my prior blogs.  One that explains the types of people out there, and reasons why” ons” and “fwb’s” don’t work – for some of us.  I will be the first person to tell you to get your sex on, again, like I said above, it’s a diversion and will help you move on.  Plus, life is short.  Go have lot’s of sex!  If you happen to bang the first person, and it’s amazing, hang on to that person!  Just be careful!  I don’t regret anything in the past 5 months.  It brought me to where I am today, and I am very happy.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  I had a great time, met some great people, learned some lessons, fell in love, fell out of love, fell in love again, made a best friend ! !!!! !!!, and quite a few friends I still talk to on a daily basis.  I am an adult, I make my own decisions.  I live by what I preach.

4. Remember to treat others how you would want to be treated.  If you are going into this as a fuck-fest – tell that person.  Be honest.  Karma is a bitch, and she will come back to bite you in the ass.  Mark my words!

There is someone for everyone,  that person is out there,  you will meet them when the timing is right.  Can’t rush fate..  Life isn’t a race, it’s not about getting to the finish line first.  It’s about HOW you get to the finish line, who is still standing with you, who help’s you pass the line and is holding your hand.

Pandora – Calvin Harris Radio

Peace out!

Kiks

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