It’s quite possible as I am typing this out – I am in the middle of being hacked. I am running various ad-aware and spy-ware programs, so we shall see. Who knows, whomever writes the next blog – it might not be me, and it might be better!!
So I went back and read my first blog! While I would love nothing more than to sit here and look back and say “Wow, I was in some deep shit, and here I am 5 months later and I can laugh it off…” that couldn’t be farther from the truth! I am listening to “Middle East – Blood” on repeat to put myself in a reflection mood. Shitty thing is, I have about 5 minutes to type before I have to start picking up the kids from school.
I am still getting fucked by bill’s every month. No, not anyone named “Bill”, Ha Ha funny, yet the SOB who invented the idea of sucking the life out of people and making them pay for shit. What is up with that? I mean come on, I get that it is the desert, but $349 for a power bill for ONE month?! Oye!
I still can’t unclog a fucking sink! I had to have my landlord send someone out last month to fix it. They pulled out a long ass grapevine that was wrapped around the dealie thing. OK, that’s fixed. He also fixed the lights – where – get this, crickets would FALL from the ceiling into the kitchen! This is a newer house! Granted it had been sitting as a foreclosure, but still.
I still haven’t learned how to cook much more than the “mush” I typed about that day. I am getting better, but we do eat out a lot – and I mean a lot! Sometimes it is cheaper to eat at Panda Express than cook. Plus everyone loves that there are no dishes!
My divorvce is still dragging along. Do I wish I filed in Ca? A little, but then I would be living there still and I needed to get the hell out of that drama. Life changed and got SO much better once I crossed the state line from Ca to Az. I miss home like you would never believe – But if I were to look at the last 12 years, where has home really been? We moved every 2-3 years, no we were not military! But we moved a lot. Now I am trying my hardest to set roots down and have some stability for the kids. I’d move back to Ca, no need to ask me twice, but like I always say, it’s about the kids, and they want to be here.
What has changed – Relationships. Friendships. Family. I’ve gained and lost from those 3. That’s the tricky thing with divorce you never know who will stick it out with you. I have walked a few friends through the process, ironically, a few of them were the first friends to jump ship with mine. It’s all good. Here’s the deal, a lot of people look at divorce as contagious. Like it will happen to them. I don’t know if it is a fear that their own secrets will catch up to them or if they worry they are next? Who knows. I love the friends and family I have next to me now, and if someone can’t handle it, it’s not my problem.
Love – Ahhh love… She’s like karma, a bitch who takes names and fucks with you like no other. Everyone wants to be in love. And that will be another blog entry on it’s own. Some tricky shit has come up, and I am trying to navigate what I am feeling vs. what I want vs. what my heart say’s vs. what my head screams. So bare with me, it will be told in due time. I just need to look within myself a little more and hopefully the answers will come. I have zero patience – so this is where love turns into a bitch! LOL!
What else… Know what I hate the most? After I hit post, and a ton of other things come into my mind. I never intended for this to be read. I started this for me, now as I type, I am always thinking “What is the person who is reading this thinking”… I have recieved quite a few private messages over the course and I can say that I love the feedback. It’s a learning process. I have learned a lot, but still have SO much more ahead of me. It’s crazy! Crazy shit I telly you!!
Ok, like I mentioned – kids to pick up.
No Pandora today – iTunes only – Crazy Stupid Love.. Thank you Matt for the reminder that this song is on my phone!!
Back atcha later peeps,