I am going to register, buy me stuff please!!

I have decided that this week I will be registering for my Divorce.  Yes, you read that right, I will be registering at Target, Macy’s, Bed Bath and Beyond – that store for sure.  Because they are called “Beyond”, tells me that they saw this divorce, and many others,  coming a mile away and wanted to cover divorces too!  Super!  Why not?  I have nothing to show for 12 years with “G”.  Ok, my kids, but other than that, I have nothing to show for it.  Hell, I might even register at Saks, there is a Jimmy Choo handbag I want! That’s right, I am not proud, I’ll register for the fucking $28.99 plates, and you will buy them too!  I have no pride left, no money, and my kids have to eat on something! 🙂

Let’s think about this.  It is almost like a fire happened.  I think the list of what I DO have is shorter than what I need.  “G” will be moving in with the home wrecker come August (yes, I am still swallowing that one. Let’s keep messing up the kids!)  So he will be moving in with her, he won’t need anything.  However of the things we already have, I do not want.  I have NO need for our bedroom set.  Even things down to plates.  I do not want the memories.  Unless it’s me throwing the plate at someone or something.  Which could be therapeutic, maybe I will try that! The vacuum cleaners sure, he can suck it!  I will take those, and the kitchen table, my antiques, some other things here and there.  But the main things, I need to resupply.  Would it really be that bad if I were to register for gifts?  We celebrate all major milestones, why not divorces as well??!!  I still have the wedding guest list, all 120 names and address’.  I have some new ones to add, about 200 people total.  Whats the worst that happens, someone says no, throws the shit away?  That is a risk I am willing to take.  If they can come eat free cake and drink at my $45pp Hawaiian buffet plate wedding, they can help pack the shit up at the end too!  Maybe because he totally fucked me over, his family should be responsible for double the gifts?

Funny. I ask my married friends for their advise on this and they say “Go for it, I’d do it!”, and my single friends “Are you a fucking idiot?”  Maybe I am not the first person to try this, maybe I am being warned?  I am going to think on this one a little more.  I have company over this morning – well – last night and it is quite rude to be typing at 7 am! I feel very Carrie Bradshaw! LMAO!

~Kiki

New Adventures of Old Jen

About 2 months before what most wives call “D Day”, which stands for “Divorce Day”, I began watching this cute little show called “The New Adventures of Old Christine”… Wow.. here I was laughing daily at the shit cards she was handed!!  Now, here I was living it myself.  As you all know I do not call it “D Day”, I call it “TDTSHTF” – The Day The Shit Hit The Fan!  So here I am , making the best with what I can.  My kids are in CA for Summer Camp, and I have started to move into our “new house”…  Sucks, I am not going to lie, it is what it is.. AGH! I hate that saying!!  Make it stop!  I am trying to look at my life as a 30 minute sitcom.  Everything I am going through, it is the same as Christine and Reba, forgot about that show!  “G” is my Brock and his whore is his “Barbra Jean”!  Please don’t let my daughter turn into Cheyanne!  Shit, shit shit! LOL!

Funny story, I went to one of the local furniture stores to, well, buy furniture.  I wanted to use credit to but on only some items.  5 hours later, I found what I wanted.  It really was like how everyone says, once you sit on it, you know!!  Ok, so bring in the credit people, and here is where it got comical.  What a scam!!  Even if I paid the shit off in 2 months, they would have  (will have?)  made $400 on what I bought!  How is that legal?  Why didn’t I go into that business?!  So I ended up walking away, with nothing to show for 8 hours (by that time!) of wasted day.  We are driving home, my daughter, my mom and I, and Elton John came on my iPhone / iPod.  We had just watched the Queens Concert the night before, I had downloaded some music from the concert.  Here is Elton, singing, take a guess……. “I’m still standing”  I laughed my ass off and said – “This is my song! After all of the shit I have been through in the last 8 weeks, this is me!”  Then it hit me, and I added  “This is REALLY ME because my credit is so fucked up, I am literally standing, becasue I can’t get credit to get a couch to sit down!”  Thanks Elton, I needed that laugh!  I hope you are laughing, and that was totally not a “Guess you had to be there story”!!

I’ll leave you with that.  I have wayyyyyy more to bitch about, but I am trying to get my laughing back on, and let shit roll off me easier. Have a great rest of the night, rest of the weekend, and I will blog more on monday – I have a friend eventually coming over tonight – or could now be tomorrow.  **wink wink** (yes, it is the same friend, I am not a multi friend person!)

Happy Anniversary to me!

Yes, if you want to be anal and go over the details, it is technically the 6th, and this would be all about what I did on the 5th!!  Shoot me, just get in line, the line grows by the hour!

June 5th was a hard day to get past.  It was a LONG day!  Today was my “I got screwed in the ass 2 months ago” anniversary.  Yes, it has gotten 75% easier.  This time 2 months ago,  I thought there was NO way I was going to survive this shit.  Bottom of the Napa wine barrel, begging for “G” to come home,  begging for another change, marriage counseling.  Shit, I would have sold my soul to the Devil, I think I might have!!  I was weighing in at 165 lbs.  Chain smoking, 4 Cokes (soda assholes!) a day.  Today I am a healthy 138.9 lbs. almost 14 days smoke free, 1 soda a day!  I didn’t just lose my weight, I lost another 249 lbs of stress, drinking, asshole’ness.  It’s amazing what stress will do to you,  how you learn to cope.  I would never wish this on anyone, no, not even her.  HA HA, that is a fucking straight up LIE, I would wish this on her, and him, and I hope both of those assholes have to face this at some point.  Karma is a bitch, and I plan on getting that tattoo!!

Ok, I digressed, a lot!  Today was a big day for me.  I look at the bigger picture.  Today I accomplished more in 12 hours than I did in 12 years.  “G” always took care of everything, as I mentioned in past blogs.  (even on my old Napa Mom blog)  Today I decided that we will be moving into our house a week earlier, doesn’t sound like a lot, but that was a big decision.  I called APS to get our power turned on.. Let the air conditioning bills begin!  Downside of never having a utility in your name, the deposit!! $350 deposit to turn the power on.  After being on that call for 45 minutes, they transferred me to my local cable company to turn on our cable, phone, DSL.  To which I was advised that there would be a $200 deposit! FUN!  Safe to say at this point I am broke, so I was not able to call the final 2, gas and alarm.  Yes, I want to have the alarm.

Here is where the shit got tricky. As you might or might not know, “G”, has not, and has no and I mean NO plans on paying child support or alimony until he is ordered to do so.  Deadbeat what?!  WTF?  Again, I don’t care about alimony, but don’t fuck your kids over.  Ok, so I called him today, and told him he HAS to give me something.  I was pissed that the SOB told me that he has 1. Retained and attorney 2. Refuses to send me the IRS statements and 3. Is starting to “save” money for his move to AZ…. When I asked for support in the past, so far my fav reply has been  “Borrow money from your parents”!!!!! Yes, because everyone BUT you should have to take responsibility for your financial obligations with your 3 kids. @@ <— that’s me rolling my fucking eyes.  His mom was a single mom, I can  imagine how proud she must be.  Whatever.  Ok, so I laid it all out.  And here is the bomb dropping… He actually went to the bank today and made a DEPOSIT!!!! It’s about 1/5th of the agreed upon amount, but you know what, it is a start.  It will save me a trip to CA to not have to go file an emergency court order for support.  Ahem… I can breathe a little.. and I really mean a little!

So on my 2 month anniversary, it was a productive day.  I didn’t have much time to sit and sulk.  The kids kept me busy, had some Doctors appointments,  have to have some biopsies next week… and the kids leave on Friday.  That makes me SO SAD! 😦   What will I do for about 6 weeks without them?  That is a whole different blog.  But I can thank “G” for pulling through last-minute and picking them up a week early so I can do my medical things without the kids being here and having to worry.  Actually, his mom.  As he will be “on the road” and will be having his mom watch the kids all next week.  @@ (quick quiz, what does that mean?!)

Ok, in summary – Got the baby daddy to finally cough up some bone$.  Made my phone calls to have the power, cable and such turned on this week when we move in.  Decided to move in a week early.  Tomorrow I get to go shopping for furniture!  Good times, good times!!

Til tomorrow, er, later today loverssssss..

~Kiki~

(tonight’s music was brought to you by Pandora Radio ~Mumford & Sons station)

I hate chicks!!

Ok, so that sounds mean!!  Sorry, but it is 99% true.  I have a solid core group of friends, girlfriends.  I don’t need anymore – thanks for applying, application denied!  Why?  Chicks are competitive!!  They lie, cheat, steal, and I am not just talking about “G” and his flavor of the month!!

I have always been a guys girl.  What is that, you might be asking?  I get along with guys better.  I would rather shoot the shit with guys than shopping or talking makeup with girls.  I have always had more male friends.  This is nothing new with the impending divorce.  I have a dozen girlfriends that I love with all of my heart, don’t get me wrong.  But with guys, you can just do nothing and have so much fun.  You can burp, fart, scratch, and not be judged!  It isn’t anything about flirting or trying to shag anyone.  Trust me!  If you were to ask any ex of mine, “G” included, he and the others would tell you that I am not full of shit here!  I had more guy friends than he did.  Even his co-workers, his CEO, etc.. were all better friends with me than him.  All male.

So I am finding myself in new territory as an older, single mom – chick.  Please know I am not and I really mean I am NOT flirting with your husband, boyfriend, brother, dad, grandpa, blah blah blah…  I am just more comfortable relating to men.  I am not trying to jump in and try to steal anyone, I have my own boy toy, I don’t need yours.  I think it is safe to say that the last thing ANYONE needs to worry about Jennifer is her (me!) being a whore home-wrecker!

Peace, Love and thanks for understanding 🙂

Kiki

Comedy is the root of..

All happiness for me.  While a few are offended by my post last week, you were warned!  Comedy and over the top humour is a coping method for me.  I am an acquired taste, some get me, others don’t.  I don’t care what people think.. or do I?  If I didn’t would I be sitting here with my feelings hurt over a few rude people?  Look, for all of the bullshit my life has turned into in the past 2 months (to the date!)  if the only thing people can bitch about is my blog, then I am do an outstanding fucking job.  I’ve spent the last 2 months as a single mom 24 hours a day 7 days a week with only 41 hours off.  So I think I am doing a good job.  If my outlet is typing some random shit on-line, so be it.  I am not forcing anyone to read it.  I brought it to a blog to get it off of face book, now Yelp, and off my chest.  The shit is deep, and I need to vent somewhere.  Sorry if you are offended, but not really.  Don’t read it.  I have more readers and positive comments from this blog than anything I have ever written in the past – so somebody (bodies!) are liking it and asking for more.  Boom bitches, take that!!  You can have my husband, but you can’t take my laughter away. 

OK, I am working on my 2 month anniversary of finding the asshole is cheating blog.  Stay tuned.  I never got back to last weeks blog, only because I have been having some medical issues – fucker gave me some bad ulcers and I have been in and out of the local emergency rooms and doctors offices.  I guess I can run up the insurance bills before I am kicked off!! Ha Ha!

 

Til we meet again, or not… (yes, I had another playdate this week, I should be less stressed, but I am not!)

~Kiki Sparkles~